Polar Life!

MOVING

2008-12-07T00:16:00.005+08:00

I have decided to move my blog, still in the process of refining the small details and what i going to post in my new blog, i guess it will be a less personal life blog, a more interest blog.the link:

quintessence-polar.blogspot.com

relink me, i won't be blogging here anymore.

Maybe

2008-11-18T23:54:00.003+08:00

Birthday no longer feel so special anymore, maybe I no longer are delighted by presents and cake, maybe I long for someone who will be happy just by my birth, someone who understand you and your significance. Well I guess I have it all along, my family but I still feel it’s incomplete and they don’t always show it out that they care.

But maybe this year, I was kind of hoping for certain thing to change, I am deciding how should I feel, is it anxious (nervous with fear of what to come) or excited (nervous with hope of what to come). In the end I feel, I am anxious for most of my part and indeed it disappointing, the sun that never rise.

Even saying so however I am definitely grateful and happy towards those friends who wish me well and celebrated with me, pardon me for those days before my actual birthday, I am thinking a lot about my emotions. And last of all even thought at the start of the post I said I no longer are delighted by presents and cake, it does not mean I no longer like to receive it, I loving every gifts you all gave me.

Thank You All =D

ARTSingapore

2008-10-26T23:54:00.005+08:00

I know this is a long overdue post; it is suppose to be out before school start. I just can’t find the time but finally but surely, its here at last.

During my last week of holiday, I went to work for ARTSingapore, an art fair at suntec convention center. I just want to say it was fun, have a really great time working. Though there a few incidents, overall working with them was really enjoyable. There a few persons I like to mention; YY, Natasha, Sharon, Rohinni and Audrey, thank you all for everything, you all definitely made me so much happy during work. To the rest of the crew, its great knowing you guys, you all are such a fun and loving bunch of people, hope next year we got the chance to work together again.

School started two week ago, this is my last semester already, suddenly feel that I have accomplish a lot of things and a few that I can’t. It great to look back and see how much more I have grown, but a few habits just don’t change. Human conflicts are complex as we try to explain more to ease a situation, it may not actually help, when we try not to explain, it will not solve the problem either.

That all for now doesn’t feel like writing anymore for the moment.

Day after Day

2008-09-10T00:16:00.004+08:00

I want to stop and breathe fresh air, but I can’t just stop, things just keep pilling up that force me away from the direction of the sun. I really do want to feel the warmth but I am clueless and bound by responsibilities.

I know it’s quite long ago but I just want to write briefly about what happening in my days. So let go back to august, I did something that really made me happy but I was so surprise even by my own action, I guess the sun will be even more astonish than me, I hope she will be happy too. For the rest of august, basically it just preparation for exam and doing it.

Once exams were over, it was all foods non-stop. Went with Juli, Jasmin, Alvin and Chaiyun to Just Noodle and catch Wall-E after that. Wall-E is not bad, I like how simply it’s done with all the analogy, how love is convey without words and yup the message for a greener world.

“Teachers are the winds under your wings” or so they say, so I went back to secondary school to see the “winds” on teacher day. This year I was hoping for a lot of people going back for I guess it will be so hard in the future. There only 9 people who went back but it’s alright. Went back especially to meet Mrs. Goh, chat with her for a while, it nice she still remember us by names. Saw a few other teachers too; they still look the same only with more grey hair now. Students nowadays are hard to teach. Went to pizza hut to celebrate Rafizah birthday, she said she going to NIE after Poly, our batch top scorer is becoming a teacher!

After that was dim sum buffet at Chinatown with Juli, Jasmin, Liling, Lixuan and Weihao. Supposedly Jeffery should join us but he was late and he left quickly after awhile (Jeffery if you are reading this, you better start explaining about it, ha-ha) and Meijun have work at sentosa (don’t need to earn so much, should enjoy your holiday if you can). The food was average, was a little disappointed by the “xiao long bao”, if there a chance I will review about the food on another post.

Jasmin ask me along to go to the RSAF air show, I said ok so together with Cuixia and Guowei we went. I find that Cuixia are more cheerful now, stay positive and strong, ok? I not so keen about planes but I must say the planes on display was really impressive. But that day the weather is not that great.

Last week went to Japan Village at The Cathay for sushi buffet with my classmate. Gwen, JJ, Isaac and I went late so we order all in one go, so four of us settle down on 1 table. JJ and Isaac went to washroom and said order anything for them so Gwen and I order four set of sashimi of salmon, tuna and prawn. End up they don’t eat raw stuffs and Gwen eat so little as a result I eat the bulk of it. I can’t stand the taste for long; I almost vomit it all out, yucks! Ha-ha it just for the fun of gatherings.

Other than enjoying there was also work, have been helping out Art Singapore last weekend. With Huiyee, Xinyee and Joyce, the people there is really nice and the work was not that tough plus the pay is not bad =D. Should be helping out in Art Walk and others events that follow. It will be a good opportunities to see the art scene in Singapore.
Though it my holidays and having a lot of plans, I could not carry it all out. Everyday need to do FYP, it’s really a killer, I should not whine about it.

It has been my wish to meet up with the sun but I just don’t know how especially with so little time. Pardon me, I really want to meet you, somehow if you are reading this, do tell me when you are free; I guess there is explanation to do.

Made the Choice

2008-08-04T01:25:00.002+08:00

In a post long ago, I write “life is nothing, unless you make something out of it.” Now, with a lot more things happening in my life, I feel like bring it out again but in 3 simple words;

“Life is undefined”

We make choices each day; those choices define how life will be not the other way round. People tend to say they regret certain stuff in their lives. But made not regret for it’s a choice fundamentally, make the right one.
Every day, challenging yourself to a choice, either to be happy/ positive or sad/ negative. In this sense God have already decide our life, for man will always be certain to make the choice to be positive. But God give us free will too, more than frequent man made own selves angry and negatively, they start to view life as troublesome, annoying, they blame life, they blame God.
You are the one who define your own life, define it well.

To friends who lost someone dear to them, hold on and you will see the light out from the cloud, because I know you will treasure even more of what life have to offer.

To friends who are facing obstacles, life is not a destination but a journey; you can choose to take a lot of different paths, it does not matter which as long as it come positively.

I for now am excited yet confuse, I making a choice to see the sun and not just the sunlight out of the horizon. I hope the sun will smile upon me, without hope or fear; patient may be my greatest need now for time is my adversary. Time will tell all, I will just need to wait. I hold on to faith and trust.

When fate cross, it a junction that may not meet again, it either go down the same path or just diverge. I want to walk down the path, in which the sun lit.
And just smile in her presence.

Serendipity

2008-07-21T00:18:00.003+08:00

“Serendipity” I finally found it! This is a movie that I like a lot; well I actually did not see it in the cinema but when it’s air on TV a few years ago. After the show I actually forget the movie title and when I try to find it again, I just couldn’t find it. By a lucky encounter today I found it.

In the show “serendipity” means a fortunate accident. It tells a story of how destiny works for people, the concept fated not just fate.

I simply love it, cause of the humor and the irony but most of all the concept of “fated”. To me I always want to be certain that the one I love is the ONE. Regrettably I have not followed the signs given to me, too much time is self-deceived. Well I will wait for destiny to come. Now I seeing the sunlight out of the horizon, I will wait till I see the sun.

Hope & Fear

2008-07-11T23:53:00.003+08:00

“When once a man is launched on such an adventure as this, he must bid farewell to hopes and fears, otherwise death or deliverance will both come too late to save his honor and his reason” Reepicheep, Chronicle of Narina

I used to pin too much hope in everything I do, it just make me none the wiser when it come crashing through each time. I have been spending time to reflect the past, the people who come and go in my life, the tiny winy to the major change, from the moment of happiness to the gloomy sadness.

The truth is the more I look into the past, the keener I look forward to the future. I am sensing more warmth from the people around me and at the same time, the coldness of society.

“The Past was history,
The future a mystery,
And present,
A gift!”

I am learning to treasure this great gift! I now living with great passion and vigor, without fears or hopes of blanks but pure trust in lord of the path lay ahead of me. I wish not to fail short; I believe that once a thought become belief, it will not fade but become your pillar of your character.

I have a wish, “I chose to believe so please let it happen.”

Life is indeed the greatest adventure of all!

Passage of Time

2008-03-09T18:51:00.004+08:00

“I entering a scorching pit, it will scratch me, it will threaten me but I will press on.
Cause I remember now my passion, my fury,
It appears I have fallen into a slumber but let’s awake now again.
With a braver, vigorous and unyielding heart being my guard
I will march with such intensities that it will scourge all in my rolling path.
Let the dream that was fallen be rise again as of a phoenix would be.
This is the answer I give to you.”

A month had pass, I have fail and also succeed in stuffs I set off to do, thought its heartbreaking, I have learn again what does it mean to make a choice.
My Attachment period draw my physical energy in the morning, creative energy in afternoon and rational energy at night, I am drain but not dry. The work has been fun in certain way, and at night it’s more of looking after my nieces, Ariel.
Taking of a child can be a headache at time, you can’t match their level of energy, you will drop dead tired if you focus too much on them, but it do cheer you up when they giggle at you.

Went to the IT fair for 2 days with juli, jasmin and liling and their friends, brought a Panasonic Lumix DMC-FS5, thanks to Jasmin in helping me to test it out, I am loving it now more and more. Yes that right, I finally got a camera...haha that long…

The Camera

Tchaikovsky-1812overture

2008-02-01T13:50:00.000+08:00

This semester was indeed an enjoyable school term, thank you all…finally all the projects, schoolworks, quizzes and exams were over!!!
Next up, a series of stuff I need to do;
-To buy some clothes for Chinese New Year (I haven’t brought anything yet)
-Preparation for my attachment (I am going to woodland, anyone going there too?)
-Keeping my promise to my friends and myself
Well basically I am left with 3 day to do all of it and 9 days before my holiday end. Time does seem to pass rather fast don’t they?

I recently saw this on Youtube, a rendition of Tchaikovsky 1812 Overture by the swingle singers.

I must say I am amused by their imitation of the cannons and horn. It a piece written by Tchaikovsky to depict the victory of Russian winning the Napoleon Grande Armée, you can also hear the French national anthem in it too.

For a fearful heart

2008-01-09T00:51:00.000+08:00

For a Fearful heart
The world is all in your mind, if you said the world is too big than your mind is also big. So did not fear it, believe in what you are capable even in the most gloomy time. Confidence is self make not given, once you have it, you can’t lose it, you already have yet you hide it with doubts. Break the chain of you insufficient for there are those around who will provide what you are lacking. It only a matter of choice for you to set up a path for them to walk, be the one who pave it and they will help you to build shelters along the way. So please listen to the song, for a fearful heart.

Shelter – Corrinne May
What’s wrong
What’s getting you down
Is it something I might have said
You’re walking around
With your head to the ground
And you eyes are watery red

I know you’ve been through tough times
Kicked around, thrown to the ground
But you’ve always been the strong one
So don’t tell me that nobody get you
Cause I’m standing in your corner
Knocking at your door
You don’t have to be alone

Just call my name
Let me be the answer
Cause it hurt me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let me be your shelter my friend

We share a bond
You and I we belong
We’re like coffee and morning trains
You strip my defenses
I catch your pretence
The same blood runs through our veins
I swore I’d be your lifeline
Made a vow that I’d surround you with love at every milestone
I’ll listen when nobody get you
I’m still standing in your corner
Waiting by your door
You don’t have to be alone

Just call my name
Let me be the answer
Cause it hurt me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let me be your shelter my friend

It was not too long ago
You sought to understand
You helped me mend
Remember when
So promise me you’ll

Call my name
Let me be the answer
Cause it hurt me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let me be your shelter my friend

Do not put the world as your rejecter
Hear and understand,
See and comprehend,
Touch and response.
For now you have all three so doubts no more.
I am knocking on the door.

Human Contradiction

2007-12-23T02:44:00.001+08:00

I believe human are adaptive to situation
Yet we are resistance to change.
We look forward for each day to come
But we regret what we didn’t accomplish.
Thought man said we have a mind to think
We seldom use it to think for other around us.
The quotes said giving is better than receiving
In truth we hope to receive instead of giving.
Man says that life is more than having money alone
Yet for their whole life they struggle to earn it.
They said time is precious, don’t waste it
However they make the most part of it working.
Man always express that they want freedom
But they are shackle down by burden throw at them.

Indeed man is such complicated creature
Lament why life can’t be simple.
Yet they always push forward these statements
“Stop being a child; grow up into an adult already”
For such eagerness to grow into a adult
They lost what a child mind can bring
The young, innocent, simple, curious mind.
A heart that is childlike not childish
The world is complicated for those who think so
And blissful for those who understand what is mean to be simple.

a stage called Acceptance

2007-11-20T00:41:00.000+08:00

My brain is now running low on space to process my thoughts. Alas, why do human can only use 5% of the brain, seriously its not enough! Than again I overly analysis matter that are too trivia to start with.

It may appear weird but I will not deny that I will scrutiny those tiny winy details. I guess “Canon in D” kind of summarize my passion for life and the way I look at it. The power of belief is influx within the melody that is sung so closely to my heart.

Recently I want to stop worry but my worries never stop, it diminishes and surface once more. I know the key but I dare not approach. My fear of rejection is too great, well no one can diffuse it except the reluctant me with a bit of help.

The climate of the music is towards the end, it’s a long wait.

“I forgotten there a stage called Acceptance!” Paul

A beautiful day

2007-11-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

A man set off to find the beautiful day
He stumbles upon a green dragon that greeted him with formality;
The dragon told him of a treasure deep down in the sea and so he set off.
He met Patrick, whom invited him to his rock house;
Patrick offers him krabby Patty stating it a promotion of buy 1 get 1;
He thought of visiting the famous chain but was wash off by a tidal wave.
When he woke up he saw dragonflies flying around a grumpy lion;
The lion lament that she can’t catch the air pig that taunted her;
Suddenly she said “arh…here it comes again!” and instead of taunting the lion.
It grabs the man and flew off, “I just save your life man…be grateful”;
“I will bring you to my mistress, the dancing diva”.
The diva enter and explain, the path to obtain the treasure have three;
The man chose to continue by following the path through the cloud.
There was where he met the black & white guardians that guard the gate;
“You need to obtain hot choc for us before we let you through”;
The man was tired but he was fortunate to meet the choc angel whom offers his needs.
The man returns, the guardians satisfied, the gate open;
In he went and saw the glow and lights of the treasure and he said…

I go but do not seek,
I said but dare not hope,
I trust but do not believe,
But…but…but…
Now I saw it, hear it, feel it,
What more doubt should I have?

Down on his knees and he weeps and exclaim...
“A beautiful day indeed!”

Who is right?

2007-11-03T22:25:00.000+08:00

Will you do anything that’s wrong?

I guess everyone will not, because as human we will only do stuff that we thought is right. I do not mean the action is right; maybe it will be so wrong in the public eyes.

However we believe in our conviction that we are right and thus we will carry out the action. The belief can be so twisted by their own reasoning, which includes reasons like they are doing it for the greater good, they are doing the bad things so that other will benefit.

Such conviction can’t be broken with pure reasoning, they are engross within their own world. Such people, I have nothing more to say, for us are in no position to judge them. But for those who understand their action is wrong and they felt remorseful, shouldn’t we forgive them.

The world is not fair but it does not mean it must be cruel, with everyone going with a right attitude and a heart to forgive. It will make the world a fairer place.

“Everyone will think they are right, but only some will realize it isn’t so.”

To a person - melody of hearts

2007-10-13T22:50:00.000+08:00

Melody of hearts

Music are sung when you come,
How entice the melody have captivated my mind,
Your personality intrigue me,
As your voice justify your kind nature,
Exhibiting a character of unusual proportion,
Continue to play as the never-ending tale…of hearts.

To the person whose name is in it.
Treasure yourself; your kindness is your greatest asset.
Remember that I am there if you understand this.

Emoticon

2007-10-01T22:57:00.000+08:00

Was Using messenger, I was a bit amused by the shear number of emoticon, people are using. I guess it’s hard to understand all the icon and I believe it’s even harder to understand how people emotions really are. Just created this out of fun;

There a saying that said people nowadays are doing an act, they all put on a mask that are not them. It really tiring to try to fathom their true intention, but I like to think otherwise that all people are good by nature. Though we might hide but not hurt.

Do you know if you frown, you use more muscle compare to when you smile. Ha-ha an random fact…

Someone I saw

2007-09-23T02:40:00.000+08:00

Saw a person recently… a person who I didn’t see for roughly two years. I guess I was surprise to see her out of the blue. The first question that come into my mind was, “is she her?”

But all that come in after that are memories of a person I no longer am. I believe I have learned to be more positive but at the same time losing what happiness I have in solitude. That stage of my life gone.

I just feel sad that night and I have been thinking, even with the presence of “the one” it can’t pull up my spirit. I just feel horrible to lose my confident of the root I grow up from.
I have been running away from my problem too long. My faith in church is no longer as it uses to be.

I find it hard to explain to people how I feel about it. I post this to remind myself, to constantly seek out the truth and also explain what little I can.

I need an answer, lord.

Your presence ever there,
Your kindness bring joy to me,
Though alone but never lonely,
I am your humble servant.

House of uncertainty,
I am delusion into fake ways,
I lost my confident,
I am your lost sheep.

Bring me home,
With sound of your horn,
Guide me on this treacherous road,
I am no one but a fool.

Wound of life

2007-09-16T02:00:00.000+08:00

Day by Day passes,
It collate into weeks, into months, into years
But do it collate into memories?
Or something else…

“Time heals all wounds” isn’t it just for physical injury?
Our emotion, our feeling, our thoughts get hurt unknowingly usually. The moods that stir within us put us up in a roller coaster ride, hard to get a grip of it. So we try to forget, try all in our possibilities to cover up any pain ripping out from the wound of the heart.

We chose what to be remembered and those that does not. However the facts will never disappear.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
Philip K. Dick

We are selective of what we want to remember but can we truly forget those you refuse to remember?

Although saying so, staying happy and seeking it is what human in general want to do.

So be happy =]

Yummy Food

2007-09-06T00:06:00.000+08:00

Food, food and more food, Singaporean just can’t seem to get enough of it. I guess I am no exception but I suppose my taste bud is not as sensitive as others. I have spent quite a lot this past few weeks in search for great foods and some don’t cost much.

Here are some exploit that I have gather;

I can look forward to more food this coming weekend; catching rat-a-2-ee will be good too.

bon appettie!!

I ask for Meaning

2007-09-03T01:59:00.000+08:00

Since young I have always ask God for signs and direction.
I ask for wisdom so that I might understand life.
I ask for courage so that I may experience new stuff.
I ask for aid so that I can complete my task.
I ask for love so that I would not feel alone.
I ask for time so that I will not live to regret.

But even so, I always stumble by this question – What does Life mean?
I have asked but it does not appear, nor should it have. A lot of people like to tell me their version but none seem right. Something I just like to brood over this question for days, but end up with nothing. Till now I would not dare to say I know but I just try to put it together. Since I always end up with nothing I will just put it as;

“Life is nothing, unless you make something out of it.”

“Something” to everyone may mean different things, maybe for me it new experience. To experience what small detail in life can bring me and hope to truly understand the purpose of Life. This might have caused me to observe people on how they react to their surrounding and people. For I take particular notice on the action they will do.

I believe God give us sign and direction without we all know it. It will appear when the moment is right, many time at the end of the day, all seem clear. So to all the people out there, here an reason to keep your Hope about Life;

“Seek out your Life, you will find it wonderful, have Hope always”

Recollection

2007-08-28T12:00:00.000+08:00

Blog Spring Cleaning
Well since I change a new skin, I thought as well sum up all my post so far that I like. Abit of spring blog cleaning... so here goes;

Life Struggle
Life is like a comedy,
Laughing when you are happy,
Crying when you are sad,
Yet when you are overwhelm,
You lose all senses to react.

Seeing people like you who...
Can’t laugh nor cry,
A sense of lost emerge,
Not longer knowing who you are.

Hiding burdens of
Untold weight,
You wore a mask...
One with Anguish.

The world is becoming too delusion,
Hard to get a grip of yourself,
I wanted to feel sorry for you,
But I am afraid…

I am already lost.

Skeptical Fear
I am bind by sound of fear;
Of what I heard through my ears;
Those words of cruelty;
Will one day lead me to insanity?

Yet even so;
My spirit will never be sold;
For the day of my liberation;
Come fore to me as anticipation.

Promise
How far I had already fallen;
That I lost the path of my truth;
My hope waive in desperate;
But now I made a vow;
To redeem my deed in action;
To repent of my thoughts;
May the light guild me;
On this treacherous road.

Confusion
No more is simplicity;
My mind swirls in complexity;
What right and what wrong;
May not matter any long;
Animate material move in delusion;
Set my thoughts in derail motion;
What is mean to be true;
Lie in totally rune.